you are my calypso
head deep in the wisdom
send me reeling out to
the raw nature of a
clip all the storms
and place them on the kitchen table
arrange them in a bouquet
covered in green tissue paper
I’ll wait for the storms
to mature and wilt
but I keep gazing at the
foot trodden doorstep
waiting for my calypso.
Black mulberry treerooted deep inside
your roots curving around every
rib in my body
planting yourself deep inside
the fleeting hope of being safe
wrapped around in your roots
but it’s getting harder to breath each day
but dear mulberry tree
I shall not survive you
Figuring out religion as a teen is a weird thing. Figuring out religion and God and faith is a weird thing in general. It is asking to believe in something that you cannot see or hear or touch with blind faith and for many people that is a difficult thing to believe in. Many people, including myself, need hard facts. They cannot live off of the notion that there is someone, or thing, up in cosmos looking out after us.
I am growing up in a Muslim household, we are sufis. Sufism is a different path to the Muslim faith, like how there are different paths to Christianity. Sufism is deeper (I’m not putting down any other form of Islam), it’s less about praying 5 times a day and more about your connection with Allah(God) and how it affects your day to day life. I have grown up believing that Allah is all around us, within us, he/she is all around us and it’s weird but it makes sense to me. I don’t see Allah as this mighty man with a gray beard that over looks us small humans from up in the clouds.
But at the same time it doesn’t make sense. Because there is cold hard facts on how the earth was created and how we came to being, the big bang, evolution ect. But whenever I think that there is a nagging feeling in the back of my mind but how did everything start, before the atoms, before the universe before everything and it leads me to Allah. But that confuses me, because I can see this being that is supposedly around me and it bothers me. I go from cold hard science facts to being like “oh yeah God’s real, it makes sense” there is no in between, and I want to be in the in between.
Religion at this age is weird, and figuring out what you believe is even more weird because it’s just one more thing you are figuring out. I guess it’s just being a teenager that is weird. I don’t know.